Mmmmm. Butter.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

"I'm going to have jam on my toast this morning, instead of butter."
"What? What's wrong with butter?"
"Nothing. I just want to try this jam. It looks good."
"No it doesn't! I tried jam once and it wasn't that great. Besides, butter works. Why do you have to get rid of something that works?"
"I'm not getting rid of it! I'm just trying something different. Butter is fine."
"It's not even that different anyway. It spreads just like butter. You use a knife. Same thing, really. This whole "new" jam business is hogwash. Butter is good."
"I KNOW butter is good. What have I been saying?"
"Okay, then, tell me why jam is so great. If jam is so great, you should be able to convince me to use jam."
"But maybe you don't like jam."
"A ha! See? Some people don't like jam."
"I know."

Trying to convince someone to like jam is pointless. Asking someone to try jam, though... maybe that serves a purpose. But I'm done with the convincing. I like jam and butter. I'll gladly tell you all about why I like jam. But I don't care if you want to put it on your bread or not.

To sum up: Butter sucks and everyone who uses it is dumb. Ha.


Blogger Unknown says:  

This is SO begging to be made into a movie...

Anonymous Anonymous says:  

Dude you should totally start with vegemite.

Blogger Bankuei says:  

"Here is how to make jam..."
"Why are you making jam!?! What about butter?!?"
"Um, this is a class on jam making, would you like to learn how to make jam?"
"Butter is made like this! ..."
"I KNOW butter is made like this, we're talking about how to make jam, wanna join us?"

Sigh. Apply fire liberally. It's the only way to be sure.

Blogger John Harper says:  

Bless you, Chris.

Blogger Matt Wilson says:  

Jam theory is total crap. Whenever the kooky jam freaks from over at the Fridge post anything here, I just ignore the thread.

Blogger Bankuei says:  

What?!? You dare dismiss the One True Spread?!?

Clearly you aren't a real Roll Spreader... You're just another Muffin.


Blogger Felton says:  

I'd just like to say that I'm not all that fond of butter, but when it comes to jam, John knows how to make REALLY good jam!

Blogger Philip says:  

You know, I just realized that the first sentence of your rant is backwards: you say you're going to try butter instead of jam, then throughout the rest of the dialogue the other person tries to convince you to stick with butter instead of trying jam, because jam's not good.

But that's just the kind of mistake I'd expect from someone who prefers (to be in a) jam. It's a sticky situation. Things could've been smooth as butter for you, but no.

Blogger John Harper says:  

The copy-editing ninjas have been dispatched.

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