Trust in Me
Saturday, February 09, 2013
This is an old post. I didn't publish it way back when, because the situation was still very charged, and I didn't want to make it all about that one specific interaction. But, we've moved on now and I think there are some general points here worth sharing and discussing. So here it is.A few interactions in one of the weekly games I'm in has highlighted some issues of trust in roleplaying so I figured I'd say a few words on the subject.
"As the GM, I describe the failure."
"Right. But you can't just say anything, right? It has to suit the character and not violate the player's vision, and it has to make sense with what has come before and..."
"Uh, that's not what the rule says. It says the GM describes the failure. Here's the actual text: 'Every so often, you’re going to lose control of your character for a moment. When you attempt to do something and fail your test, the GM gets to take over and describe something that went wrong. He can tell everyone about something you did that was misguided or even bad. Or, he can describe an unforeseen effect that your actions caused. He gets to stick it to you for a moment.'"
"Well, sure, that's what the book says, but you still have to make sure it's okay with the player and doesn't mess up their idea of the character..."
And that's when I realized that the player -- on some deep level -- just didn't trust me, as GM, to "do it right" when it came time to take control of their character on a failure. And not just their own character, but any PC.
And it turns out that the trust issue encompasses not just PC agency, but "the story" as well. Here's another exchange between two players:
"Yeah, I could have my character really go down this dark path..."
"But that's not great for the story, though. It's one dimensional to have a character that just spirals down like that."
"Yeah, well, that's where I see this going."
"I know, but it makes a weaker story that way. One-dimensional characters are boring..."
Again, the trust just isn't there. The PC going down this dark path is "doing the story wrong" (as if that was possible) or at the very least, making the story somehow worse. The objecting player has certain standards that must be honored, or his enjoyment of the game will suffer -- which is perfectly normal, of course -- but he doesn't trust the rest of us not to mess it all up for him.
As a result, we often end up debating the merits of player decisions, story points, NPC behaviors, and rules applications whenever any of them begin to diverge from the standards and preferences of this player. He's worried that we're going to weaken the story, make a critical error, do something that doesn't "make sense," or otherwise disrupt the fictional space inside his head. On some level, He just doesn't trust us to get it right.
When the trust is there, there's no need for lots of front-loaded debate and discussion before establishing the action. A fellow player does something that seems odd or the story takes a bizarre turn or a rule is applied in an unexpected way and it's okay. If you trust everyone sitting around the table, you can take a wait-and-see approach. Maybe it seems a little odd or unexpected now, but you trust that it will all work out. You give the benefit of the doubt.
When the trust is there, everyone is free to play hard, be bold, and put their stamp on the game. Their vision might be different from your vision, and that's okay. Playing with trust means coming to the table excited to hear what the other players are going to say -- whatever it may be. That's why we play these games with particular people, right? That's why we stay in groups with creative, interesting, engaging players and leave the groups that don't click for us.
Sure, sometimes you need to be firm and hold your ground. Sometimes you fight for your specific vision of the game. But when it comes from a place of trust, you're fighting with your respected peers. You're advocating for your ideas, not shooting theirs down. When it's not based in trust, you're trying to shepherd the other players -- steer them, guide them, show them the right way. You're fighting to protect yourself from their "bad ideas."
I'll say that again: You're fighting to protect yourself from the so-called bad ideas of your fellow players. If you're in this place, it's time to reassess. Do you really want to be playing with these people? Maybe play with people you trust more. Do you really want to trust this group, but find it hard to? Maybe press on and try to release the iron grip of control.
Also, consider this question: What did these people do to lose your trust? Often, the answer is "nothing." The lack of trust may be coming from past experiences or other issues. Try to give your fellow players the benefit of the doubt. Relax, and fly casual. The thing that seems so wrong or strange to you right now may turn out to be really cool if you allow your fellow players to take risks and be spontaneous.
Labels: gaming, rpg theory
76 Comments:
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How can games build trust between players? Can we design games to reward validating each others' ideas and encourage a looser handhold on the reins?
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I have to say, I love letting go and losing control, giving people the space to go where they will. Some of the most memorable events I've ever roleplayed have grown out of those moments. Sure sometimes it takes you places you didn't expect and sometimes it's not quite what you were looking for, but man when it hits, when a new avenue or roleplaying possibility that you did not foresee opens up and catches fire...there is nothing in the world like it.
Excellent post. The advice in the last paragraph is golden. In fact, it is almost a restatement of the Golden Rule in RPG terms.
In response to Marshall's comment, maybe different games have a different trust "baseline", regardless of the actual mechanics. A game with a low baseline is one where trust is a big issue that can cause the game to falter early. A game with a high baseline is one where trust is unlikely to be an issue.
In my experience Dungeons and Dragons has a very LOW trust baseline, even though it seemingly should be one of the easiest games to play with strangers, because in fact what people call "Dungeons and Dragons" is a whole of host of wildly different game experiences, and if you play a lot with strangers you probably have experience a group that is playing D&D very differently from what you expected, in ways you found not fun.
Alternatively, games like Fiasco and Dust Devils have a pretty high baseline because they have a very strong theme and some widely understood genre conventions that go with them.
Games with a deep and widely loved background (e.g. Star Wars, Lord of the Rings) have a low trust baseline, because it's very likely at least some players will have a very definite vision of what is lawful within that background, and any violation of that will kill their fun.
All of this plays out particularly in the realm of convention games, where you are playing with a group of strangers once. There is no long term feedback, no pre-existing relationship. The only trust you have is what you innately bring to the table and what the game has as a baseline.
There's something weird about trust, it's a wonderful emotion, but generally the outcome of other factors.
Like if I know that a certain person doesn't always think through practical details, that will likely lead to absurdities later on, but has a really vivid imagination, I don't really trust him not to make something that suits me without my help.
But I know how to help him without making a big deal of it. So in that context, I do trust him, totally.
Or an actual example, if I know a friend of mine has a tendency to totally sideline people's intentions if he has an amazing idea based off of theirs, I know that gently saying, "well actually, I was thinking something a bit more like this" will preserve that enthusiasm without him just running off with my ideas.
In this context, total trust, because I know his weaknesses.
So trust is funny, it's like "unity"; something that's really good, but I think it has to be aimed for indirectly.
I don't think trust in itself resolves if you are fighting with your respected peers, as you put it.
Maybe a coin toss between respected peers, that works. Maybe some sort of compromise/bargaining system with respected peers.
But otherwise that fighting with respected peers isn't resolved.
I love this post.
And I have to admit. I do not trust my GM, ever. It is not a matter of them ever losing my trust, or a judgement of their ability. I just do not trust them, and never will.
And on the other side, as a GM, I do not trust the players. They need to have something bad happen their character they will never do enough, and if it is something good they always take too much.
There's another thing here that doesn't really categorise as trust for me, but which I think is vital to what you’re talking about:
If people have differing ideas of where things should go next, as of course they will, then your first preference might be to have a certain sort of thing happen, but that doesn't include all of the games you'll actually enjoy.
"Doing it right" can be about meeting expectations, or about avoiding common flaws, but neither one is a guaranteed indicator of quality if you are open minded enough.
The basic key is to be easier on other players than you are on yourself, so that everyone tries to do something good, and then receives it in that spirit.
Of course, a "low trust" game can be more easy going, as there is less self-editing, because that same thought process (of developing towards something good and not just going with the first thing that is said) has been made public.
You might almost say that in this context honesty and trust are opposites, because when we talk about "honest communication", we mean that quality is coming from real discussions, which looks and when we talk about "trust", it's coming from internalised relationships and acceptance.
And in both of these situations, we say honesty, and trust, but it’s easy to see that there’s something underlying those. You can be honest with other players without tying everything to explicit communication of expectations or dissatisfaction. You can talk to your fellow players without “talking to your players”.
In the same way, you can trust your players without assuming first and foremost that everyone is speaking from internal creative visions that you want to try and bring out and accommodate wherever possible. Sometimes people are just trying things on for size, and would appreciate being told when you think something isn’t working.
If this model is true, then this suggests that even my first distinction, between internal or external development, is not strictly true, because you can have external development of ideas within this context, which is more about trying to help each other to develop your ideas, so that you can see what is cool about it.
There are ways to respond that send little plumblines into the depths of someone else’s idea, scouting it out to get the hang of it, and (so long as it’s based on real appreciation) probably encouraging them to flesh it out in response.
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A few interactions in one among the weekly games i am in has highlighted thereforeme problems with trust in playing so I patterned i would say a number of words on the topic
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And on the other side, as a GM, I do not trust the players. They need to have something bad happen their character they will never do enough, and if it is something good they always take too much.
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Maybe play with people you trust more. Do you really want to trust this group, but find it hard to? Maybe press on and try to release the iron grip of control.!!!
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it turns out that the trust issue encompasses not just PC agency, but "the story" as well. Here's another exchange between two players Compare Electric Plans
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I didn't publish it way back when, because the situation was still very charged, and I didn't want to make it all about that one specific interaction Compare Electric Plans
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I don't think trust in itself resolves if you are fighting with your respected peers, as you put it.thanks for sharing this post
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I don't think trust in itself resolves if you are fighting with your respected peers, as you put it
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What do people think about a business having the need to outsource a call center to get help as a Calling Solution Home Inspection is also one of those industries in which assistance from outer sources is present as performing the actual home inspection is different and being available all day for query calls is different. But this does not mean that these calls are not important, they are equally important as a sale because out of all these calls, a study showed that there is a 33.33% chance that one call is a potential sale which means that if you are getting 5 calls, 1 out of them can be a potential one but if you miss the call due to your commitment to work which is not a bad thing, you will eventually lose more work which means loss. Therefore, in an industry like Home Inspection Call Center is a word that sounds like a blessing due to the mere fact that home inspection companies need professionals to answer their query calls and satisfy their customers about the services they are going to get beforehand so that they are 100% sure about their decision and once the sale is locked, the cause is served. But this cannot be done without the help of a third party who treats your business like their own, gets to know it, knows how to satisfy your customers by highlighting your positive points and book and schedule appointments without any clash and extreme professionalism. To your luck, Inspector Call Center is exactly doing this in order to provide you the extreme comfort of just doing your job, giving the maximum output out there without having to worry about the fact that someone out there is calling you for help and you are not available because gone are such days, now you can perform your job with 100% effort and respond to all the calls and queries at the same time, all thanks to ICC.
In an industry like Home Inspection Answering Calls Solution is very important as you get your job through calls so if you miss the calls you are getting as inquiries, you will eventually lose the sales. Home inspection services hold the essence of a good impression by delivering 100% customer satisfaction which means that at the end of the day, if your customers are not happy with your services, this will impact your business badly but a very important point that is missed that a person will only book an inspection if he is convinced on call about what he will be provided with once he does it. If a person calls a company, worried about the state of his house and call is not picked, he will definitely call the next best option to fix this problem. And even if the call is attended and he is not satisfied with what he is being told, he will not proceed further and book an inspection. This is where people need to understand the importance that home inspector answering service holds. If a person is satisfied, he will definitely give you the job and spread positive word of mouth about the services he got from the moment he called the company till the moment the inspection was done.
While working as a home inspection company, the actual job for them is to complete successful home inspections in which the customer is satisfied with their services at the end of each inspection and is happy to leave a positive review but what happens when the matter is not closed to book a home inspection? What if you are busy delivering your best services and while doing so, you miss a call that could actually be a successful sale for you? This is why we recommend you to get an Outbound Calling Service Home Inspection requires your complete attention and that is why ICC is here for you to take your calls and satisfy the customers with adequate answers to their queries. Homeowners, while looking for an impeccable personalized service georgia in a rush because they are concerned about the state of their house. This is where we come in. We make sure to attend their calls in time, satisfy them about the services they will be given and prepare a proper tentative schedule for you to just go and perform your job without worrying about the hassle of picking the calls of potential clients.
A popular concept is present in the market which is termed as the cost of a missed call which is not understood by all. People are not aware of the importance of an inquiry call as there are many coming every day and when you are working in a home inspection company, you are often busy with the actual task which is a successful home inspection but how will you get a job of performing a home inspection if you keep missing calls? In the industry of Home Inspection Lead Management is important because 1 out of 5 calls can be potential and losing a potential call will end up in you losing a sale which will affect the business. When we talk about Customer Service Home Inspection industry needs it the most because when people call a home inspection company, they are often worried about the condition of their house or what affect it will be having on the health of the residents of their house so in order to make sure that a customer is satisfied with the response he gets when he calls a company for help. This is where Inspector Call Center comes for your rescue by saving your business from losing potential sales and leaving your callers content.
Suppose a person is working solely as an owner of a home inspection company and he does not need to hire more people as he thinks that he is doing his job perfectly and does not want to add more people to it because they may ruin it for him by providing compromised services but as he is always on the go to provide his best services, he often tends to miss calls or cannot respond to them because he is busy all the time. Then he comes across a solution which means that all his calls will be answered by someone else who will make sure to do this job perfectly giving him more time to complete his inspections peacefully and more jobs are waiting for him as all of his inquiry calls are getting attended. When provided with a proper Customer Care solution home inspection became a stress free job for him as he knew that he only has to focus on one thing which he does the best. Believe it or not but once he became aware about the benefits of Inspector Service Group his life became tension free and his sales boosted up instantly because no potential calls were being missed.
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Contrary to what you may think, the services provided by home inspection companies are not just limited to standard home inspections. Some companies offer many additional services. For example, Elite Home Inspections is a Home Inspection Company Los Angeles that offers multiple additional services like mold inspection, termite inspection, radon testing, and much more. However, these additional services are not considered part of a standard home inspection. So, it is quite obvious that you will be required by the Home Inspectors Los Angeles CA to pay extra charges for these additional services.
Commercial roofs with efficient drainage systems that quickly transfer water from the roof surface into drains or gutters are always well-designed. The roof of a commercial building should drain water off completely within 24 hours. Commercial Inspection Dallas usually install roofs with a slight pitch design that directs the water towards the drain. Fast drainage is necessary because water collection can significantly overload the weight capacity of a roof. Not many people know this but there are two types of drainage systems; gravity drainage and siphonic drainage. A drainage system includes interior drains., edge drains, gutters, downspouts, and scupper drains. They work together to drain the water away from the roof and restore it to its dry state. Every roof needs regular maintenance. Most of the time people only go directly for repairs when they see a problem with the roof. Usually, they forget about the existence of the roof entirely. This is not a good practice. If you want to hire the Best Roofing Company Dallas Tx to check the condition of the roof and its drainage system you have so many options available. Dallas, Texas has so many commercial roof inspection companies that provide excellent roofing services.
Have you hired Commercial Roofing Contractors Fort worth for the installation of a new roof? Well done! The roof is the most important part of any building and ignoring a damaged roof can only make things harder. Well, the first thing you need to do now is to prepare for what’s going to happen. First of all, you must make sure that the roofing company has access to your roof. Clear roads and sidewalks before the team arrives to protect the items from debris and to allow the roofers to work as efficiently as possible. Move vehicles and other items away from your driveway if at all possible. This keeps your automobiles, children's toys, and other valuables safe from falling debris or dust.Whether you have ordered Commercial or Commercial Roofing Companies in Dallas tx you need to be fully prepared. If you have pets or small children, make plans for them to stay with a friend or relative while your new roof is being installed. The noise created by roof tear-off and installation might be disturbing to dogs and small children. The construction material, debris, and dust can also be hazardous for the residents.
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